I am racist

Semasa di MCA kindergarten

Farewell party aku di Melaka sempena nk pindah Kedah

Birthday celebration di rumah aku

Selepas 13 thn kami masih disini.......

I have friends that came all the way from Melaka just to accompany me breaking fast during Ramadhan. I have friends to visit during Chinese New Year, Deepavali & Xmas. I have friends that understand how I am "berkedut and cair melebur" when I am exposed to the sunlight. These people are friends, I dont care losing the one I know for years but made no significant in my life, but these people.. they did and do so! Regardless the races, if you are reluctant to change. No one can help you. So please stop provoking. The mainstream media was dumb giving such racial statement, but can you get any dumber with actually trying to prove that you are not racist with words and split more oil to let it burn? What I am asking is now, please stop the provocation, stop giving statement, stop reminding the hatred. I love my friends........  

We own the prejudice, dont deny it. But we are living harmony now. LET IT BE and do cherish it! I am a racist? NOT, heks!

Tanggal Mei

Here I am expressing how frustrating life is to see my friends or family keep on using offensive words due to the 13rd election on this coming 5th of May. I know the heat is pumping when everyone excitedly waits for the new faces in the line for Malaysia’s ruler. So enough for that…… You know, my blog is the place for me to whine and to express all my negativity kan. So here I am! Wooooo! So for the past 3 weeks I was in Kuala Lumpur for Nini’s reception. It was an ultimate superb fun event! The families are warm & friendly, foods galore like every minute & obviously I am happy to see the girl that I used to play along with during my childhood is now someone’s wife. There were tears in my eyes during the solemnization,thinking not to have her around anymore (bodoh kan? Dia ada je 24 jam bosan tgk) HAHAHA. No, actually it was the sudden feeling, the feeling that I can’t even describe what was it all about. Oh mybe I was too happy for her till I burst out. 

HAPPENING KANNNNNNNNNNNNNNN, told you sooooo! 

IKLANNNNNNNNNNNNNN IKLAN IKLANNNNNNNN

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That was Nini’s part, now this is my part. The Journey… Cewah! During my 2 weeks so called holidays, I tried to slot it with activities, such as INTERVIEWS. Yes, I been to several companies but I still haven’t get any feedback. Orrr…………… I am just not worth it. I went to 3 international companies and 1 local company which I can say among the top developer in Malaysia. There is thought in my mind that holding me back to start applying for more interviews. After all the promising words given, 2 ways interaction made, negotiations & inquiry made… In the end of the interview when they ask me

‘Do you have anything else to share or ask?” 

Then surely my answer will be.. or should I call it as a question?

“Sir/Madam/Miss do you well alert that in my application form I have written that I am diagnosed with SLE blab la bla” 

They were shocking and responded like, Oh really? With the quick gesture checking back the form and asking me in details about the disease (which I understand why they had to do that). That was not the point actually… The point is, I think I am struggling in telling the truth for what I am now. I don’t want to lie because in the future it will cost me a fortune to my reputation and yes I don’t want to be in a company where they think I will be a burden to them. So seriously I am sad. I am trying to tell myself for time being, there is no luck for me and what I am now is not a problem to any of them…………………… 

So here I am now back in Kedah, last Monday was my last interview. Due to the SUNDAY incident my body is aching and I have bruises all over my body. Apa nk buat, nasib badan… hati sedih boleh gembirakan, badan sakit apa boleh buat? Cuma tahankan lah labu! Kekeke (PADAN MUKA AKU) 

Aku percaya ada cahaya dalam gelap, 

Aku percaya ada kelam dalam terang, 

Aku percaya kesesakan kini untuk ganjaran kelapangan yg dijanji. 

Akan aku yang hina ini ukir senyum tiap hari. 

Kerana hati ku & perjuangan ku belum mati………

Sampah

This is my bitter loss story
Wounded & killed
Famished in the blood lust humanity
& let the soul to live in agony

Perihal ular belit belit

Ok I might label this as emo, angry or whatever negative shits that can be used for this entry. So here I am writing this with an aggravated feeling. Through what I had discovered what were happening all these while, I was dealing with people I can call TRAITOR.............

I think I pass in writing shit about you. You know why? Because you are clueless with words you are using. "Friends for benefits" benda paling lawak aku baca. Mungkin tu bukan refer dkt aku. Tapi what I remember kau tk pernah tolong apa apa. Sooo.. sudah-sudah-sudah lah nk label org tk pernah ada dgn kau. Kau pun layan org mcm hamba, pergi balik berjemput (YES aku mengungkit)

I know the year snake begun, but please jangan lah belit belit mcm ular. Kau belit sana belit sini. Ended up hidup dkt takak tu. Tak nampak lagi? Heh. Masalah manusia adalah

PALING SUKA MENYIBUK DAN BUSY NK BERBELIT SAMPAI LUPA DIRI KEDUDUKAN MASIH DEKAT BAWAH

Sedih

"I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground. But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go. The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down."

Eh apa dah jadi

So lately everyone is posting theirs recent vacation's pictures. As for that Burger Ramli, I had enough of her pictures sbb tiap tiap bulan  pun pergi melancong luar negara. As burger kan? Oh but take note of this, dia tk pakai duit bapak yg berlegar legar dlm otak awak. She earned it in hard way by working (EHHHH WHY ALL SUDDEN AKU NI) So never mind about her, So my plan screwed up by my mom, my biological mom.  After nearly a year of planning and saving things went bizarre and it aint happening at all (Mungkinlah) I am still trying to accept things positively because I believe my parents love me so much and all these years they have no idea that I went backpacking alone (Its not alone alone, my friends and I will meet at one specific place and then 'follow your heart') 

So that was the only reason why I was so reluctant telling them my plan back then. 

I cant set off some of my friends' perception for theirs thoughts of "oh anak org kaya boleh lah senang minta parents" I dont mind with that 'wise' judgement by not knowing who I really am and what am I doing. Tapi kan, aku dah bosan dgn some people yang cant stop whining and comparing. Hello, I know you are working but you are not the only who works over here? Hello hello? Takkan terus lahir umur 25 thn kerja and terus berduit? Hello hello hello? Come on, dont tell me that you are so stupid judging others based on the parents' wealth kan? Ke kau dengki sebenarnya? Ke kau bodoh sgt sebab terlampau create scene doom susah gila babi dlm kehidpan kau tu? 

Tidak apalah, blog ini. Just nk ckp stop whining, and stop judging others yg kau tak kenal. Actually kau tk bosan ke? They dont even bother about your existence, but you keep on concerning every bit they are doing? MY GOD, gile pathetic kau ni. Seriously move on, stop comparing, stop labeling, stop judging, stop whining. You are why?

NONE OF YOUR THOUGHTS MATTER AND YOU ARE NOBODY. 

PS - Kalau pakai duit mak bapak pun knp? Duit mak bapak, tak kacau duit mak bapak kau pun.  Lawak lawak lawak lawak. Jealous much? Open sikit otak 

Jack

"saya tak tau pun"

"awak apa tau? semua pun awak tak tau"

Dialog apa dkt atas tu? Rahsia.... lately life is so.. nothing. I cant be sure if it is the life or me. So, till we meet again. Haha. Dont you think Jack is adorable? He is loving, manja dan segala segala. He is my coolest pet ever after Sepit! Kalau pandai cari mata dia

2013

While I was in the shower just now, the idea was pouring down! But now I am kinda blur where to start writing. THIS IS ABSURD! So what happened lately? What can I say is... sadly.. NOTHING. Mentally I am strong, physically.. I think I am sick. Yeah you know the SLE thingy but alah ada apahal kan? SLE je pun. Oh wait before I get myself to melancholic part, I would like to announce that I am official done with my studies! On the last day I finished my paper, my previous boss texted me whether I am free to help out with some audit job in Kedah. I am tired indeed but somehow I am delightful with the offer because I miss my job.. investigating, calculation, get crazy with figures and feeling snobbish if I cant get things right. Ehhh it doesnt sound so right kan? But who cares, that is who I am. (But I dont really get the opportunity to help tho, so I wasted most of my time in the room)

Before I go into deeper, can we please all pray for Dr Intan, who is a lecturer of mine. She was diagnosed with brain tumour for the past few weeks and this is sad because for me she is the coolest lecturer ever! (But I tell you what, failure rate in her hand was massive during the test! She is strict!) May  your prayer be with her and thank you.

So regardless of being sick, me as usual... I still do things I love. I love baking. Most of the time I bake with my sister, with my mom, with my niece and anyone that want to bake. I love to cook but I dont think that I LOVEEEE IT SOME MUCH because when the kitchen messed up, my mom just cant stop babbling (she is more like an annoying DJ in the radio, but I do love her you know) My plan about going back to KL was postponed since my dearly Mom got herself a fractured right hand, literary she is handicap now for at least 2 months. So here I am trying to be useful to her even though I am not.

HER PERFECTION BLEW ME OFF

You know what I mean, I am not saying that she is fussy or moody or grumpy. But my mom is a wonder woman. There is nothing in this world she cant do. So when it comes to me, ........ I dont think I am at her at all. So yeah.. not to belittle and to be harsh on myself, I will drop the issue (another escapism)

So last Decemeber as I remember on the 14/12/2012 we celebrated Jep's birthday 10 days in advance because I wanted to make it special. I get bored with the idea of fancy expensive present (I was broke too) so I decided to give an edible present but yet to be remembered. I hope so! Below was the CAKE, it came out with a Municipal Waste's logo on it and it was blueberry flavouring. Yeah I know that I am a sweetheart and creative (jgn puji banyak banyak) Hahaha. Ok Perah San sikit sahaja! 

Then what else? Oh I have cats, 2 of em. One is from KL, which/who ? Kaklong brought along during her last visit and now he is permanently staying over the country side (Kedah) cewah, macam aku duduk kampung pula kan? His name is BIG CAT (below) he weighted more than 3kg and he is BIG I tell you. This picture was taken using my 50mm so nampak lawa lawa sikit lah kan? Kamon puji lah sikit. I waited him to sleep like half an hour kot! 

So my another lil precious is Jack. No 50mm for him since he is so hyperactive I cant even get any shoot (to let you know that Im using manual focusing for me 50mm, due to the non expertise I barely catch up with that little rascal) So camera phone will do! Both of them were adopted... not from the shelter but Big Cat was found wondering around the neighbourhood as for Jack I took him from a friend of mine.

Sooo... I think that it. You know what. I am going to be active as possible in writing. Because I am bored of whining in the twitter, reading others shits (as if I dont do that kan) but twitter is... I dont know, but I dont like to be there like 24/7. Till we meet again virtually through my writing. Assalamualaikum and Good day all!  While waiting, I am going to kill my all day long in the room reading books and indulge good music. Yes. Be jealous! Lulz

December

Officially we are already in December, *heartache* I realised that  I have achieved nothing much during the year. I worked for 6 months in Kualelelele Lumpur it was fun. Seriously I love the company itself but the moment I was there. There was too much pain & heartache. Cant blame anyone, I was the one who made such decision to move there. 

So.... another year has been wasted.................

Hoping for a brighter day so that everything shines and overcome the shadows. Insyallah

New world, breaking dawn

Tajuk nk acah acah power je kan? OH MAI GODDDD, after the 6 months incident I got myself away from any writing medium so that I wont be complaining this and that. But, now.. here I am giving shits so that you can indulge the smell and of course virtually XP. Ok I am starting to write craps but here we go with some pictures before I start telling all of you what happened for the past few months....

(Kaklong's)

TARAAAAAAAAA! As you can see up above, yeah the one with colourful topping and decorations. Yes I am totally back into baking thingy. I bake I bake I bake I bake! and I cook too *eh tetiba* So anyone who is interested in making any order for reception/birthday/or saja saja makan. You can buzz me ok. OK! so whats up? Whats me lah kan. So..... nothing much lah kot. Eh ok wrong starting, for the past few months I have been a busy girl. I MEAN REALLY busy.  I dont have the time to please myself, I spend 24/7 isolating myself just to study. HAHHH semua ini menipu. Well actually, I had fun... too much fun till I barely have the time to update this crap. So so so so.....

For the past few months, as usual. HOSPITAL is the place I go like.. forever. Went to Thailand gazillions time just to accompany my friends. Especially si burger Ramli..eh anak Pak Ramli, Fatin. Cukup tahun aku rasa aku ckp Thailand, then.. we had surprise birthday party for Dz, my dearest friend & I baked a cake for her (sebenarnya mak). Went to CIMA conference... bla bla bla. Too much  nk beritahu ok. TOOO  MUCH. Now nk letak gambar.......................... nfveivwovnwpevn. May you enjoy it.. in a clueless way 

Hah happening kan gambar gambar aku? SO be jealous. LULZ okok. Sambung balik post gambar. Muhahahahahaha... tet tetetete*

So thats the end of everything for tonight. I have already posted random picture through out the months I went through. All I can say it, I learned lesson and I found new friends. I cant deny that there was time I stumble and I cried like a baby, but those thing made me stronger by day. I could not imagine myself for not having any trouble, it is sooooooooooo not going to be my life, Muahahahaha. God bless, thank you for the happiness and thank you for the joy.