After 2 months wondering, figuring and waiting I decided to let it go for real. Good bye my lil Jack, my dearly lovable cat. The one and only companion that came into my life without questioning. The one that made giggled by myself just to see how he acted. The one with so much feeling like a human being. The one who gave me the morning kisses and love to be pampered.........

Hopefully to see you again in the next life

"Seem to be a lie, a countless, twisted lie That made me learn to hate you I hate myself for letting it pass by"

Cerita Hati

Today is the 11th Ramadhan if I am not mistaken. 11 days with an average celebration towards food festive, hardly go to Bazaar or lepak lepak. Mami cooks simple food for breaking fast & sometimes Abah buys some Malay cakes as dessert. For me? You know the drill, Im baking yoooo and ______ (read jadi badak sumbu) Praise to Allah for the pleasant he gave, I feel blessed, contented, full with the content of this Ramadhan. I might not be the best Muslim worshiping him. But I know and I am sure he is all I have in my heart

So Ramadhan.......
1. It teaches you to be patient than usual, no cursing, no swearing & no bad mouthing about others. It kinda gives me the spark because most of the time I curse. Not really in a mean way (org Melaka should understand this) somewhere if you are not aware for who I am and where I am from. People gonna get touchy with it. So who is reading this I am sorry, this should not be an excuse. I will change this is my promise. Insyallah

2. To realise the lack of others and be modest. To live in this world we as a human should stop comparing ourselves to someone above us. How can we possible compare a pumpkin and an apple? It would be unfair. Make it as inspiration not comparison, so that it wont swallow you. Look the person beneath you, be grateful and be modest. Without me telling you this, you know there are people out there barely had meal during Ramadhan

3. Its a new start for everyone. Even a non muslim can try fasting, scientifically its good for our body. Cleansing mode! As for the Muslim, me.... it is a holy month for worshiping the one and only Allah. It comes with comfort, modesty, love where you can see all the brothers and sisters gather to do prayers and on this month we can see the unfortunates are given space to enjoy and to be cherished. Even when you are not capable in contributing money/food, by smiling its already consider as charity (sedekah) so smile. Spread the love and do deeds in many ways!

4. To understand deeper, whats in you. I would love to call Ramadhan as a month of purifying. I am a lazy ass, I barely recite. Its a shame, I know. But on Ramadhan, where I think culture actually affects or can I call this as a trend, Muslim gonna post lots of worshiping pictures in the IG, facebook, twitter and etc. These things actually triggers you! Its like "eh pasaipa aku tk buat gini" "eh org baca quran why dont I do this" When triggers it is something comes from your heart right? Back to back in the end of the is only between you and god. No one can judge that

Sebenarnya apa aku nk tulis adalah. Mungkin ada di luar sana kwn kwn kita tk sembahyang/ignorant or mungkin aku. Aku pun bkn bgs, but we as friends should keep on supporting each other. Asyik nk sarcastic pun tk boleh juga. Nk beribadat pun nk perli perli org ke? Janganlah bagi ayat:

"Aku dah ingatkan, dosa kau sendirilah mau pkiaq, dh besaq, agama cetek lagi ka"

"Kubur masing masing, ikutlah"

Sekadar mana kita tahu penerimaan kita dgn Tuhan sampai kita nk kata org mcm tu? Dont look it to one specific religion, look it as a whole where it represents lots of religion. So in whatever situation pun we should be supporting instead of bashing kan? I am not goody goody pun. You can comment it on my way wearing hijab but AT LEAST I try (Im making myself an example because this is my blog, tkkan nk petik nama org lain). Dont push them down when they are trying. Get itttt?

Part kubur masing masing, kalau kubur aku sebelah kau mcm mana? Berdentum sekali! Jadi jagalah mulut kita bab bab agama. Its a sensitive issue. Kalau nk tegur, tegurlah baik baik kalau tknk baik dont say it at all. I had a very rough past and I believe we all do. To change it is not something can be done in a day or weeks but it takes the whole guts of your life to do so. So please kwn kwn out there stop screwing up! 

Dont treat people different because they are different and you are superior & you think you are a wise man. Its unfair! SALAM RAMADHAN xx

Hello life!

By the time I got the time to write, my head goes empty. I cant think of any what to write.

So I hope it is not too late for me wishing Happy Ramadhan to all, semua semua umat Islam & Malaysia. By far, I have nothing to post because through out the road trip I did not snap any picture. So the blog going to be a lame and wordy and boring. So what happened between these 2 months, after the election, the graduation, the work, the resignation, the interview & lastly the DIY project.

Skip the election part, obviously during that time so many people were spreading lies, pointing, arguing and sorry to be said that, some took that extremely and it managed to break a friendship. Congratulations! So lets jump to the Graduation part. So I graduated. Yay for me! YAYYY. Ok semua ini poyo. The graduation day was actually nothing for me, except for my parents. They were beyond excited for occasion (I dont know why, they went to gazillion graduations already since I am the last 1 out of 6) But one thing that made my graduation worth priceless was, when all friends gathered to accept the wrongdoings we did back then. It made my day just to hug them, talked and even laughed. 5 years and a half, it wasnt that bad. It took like 5 minutes to confess and the next minute you were at the spot when you and your friends used to be. Seriously I miss studying already. Actually I miss them, not the studying thingy. Obviously lah kan....

Course mates, Flowers & Bear, Syuddy and I

Indeed, I love red <3>

Two days after the graduation if I am not mistaken, I was offered to work as an Administrative cum accountant position somewhere in Damansara Perdana (Curve/Ikea yeah somewhere there) I accepted the job offer, ........................... the job was okay. But in the end of the day I found no satisfaction factor and I decided to quit. Yeah just like that. Life aku ni tkder complicated mana when come to decision making. Cuma complicated bila duit habis! Hahaha. So come one take things easy, tk suka berhenti. Rezeki ada dekat mana mana shj. So there you go, the work and resignation part. EASYYY yah.

So after the resignation I went for a jalan jalan plan. No where far, still in Malaysia due to the money limitation.................................... So where did I go.... I went to Temerloh pahang for Marjinal in action and Ikan Paten masak Tempoyak. Ohhhh. By that I should be thanking Lan again and again for the hospitality (giving us) the place to stay overnight. So again I have no pictures of the event since I was too scared to be squeezed again. It wasnt about me, but the camera. A broken lens will cost my soul ;/ After all the HUHA HUHA moment, back to Kedah. Lepak baling... for nothing and then here I am now in Jitra. Yes! So the road trip ended pretty well & fun

Rotgut in action (did I spell it right? XD)

I decided to stick with my old plan. Bakery and stuff, while waiting for the 5th Interview of THAT COMPANY. No lie, no joke I feel tortured to wait the uncertainty. So while torturing myself, why not I do some baking and make money. So here I am now in Jitra, doing back my DIY stuff. Made an official page already named Sugar Sinner. The logo idea is from me XD but the design made by Omegadigi Photomixer they offer design, pictures, fantasize package for wedding, event and etc. Had my logo printed at iAprint do check them too. So the DIY project of Sugar Sinner begins! Thats all from me, the caca merba is everywhere but who cares kan. Hiks

Harini tulis happy esok tulis me. It is so ME! Oh btw boleh click nama page tu utk visit page mereka!

I am racist

Semasa di MCA kindergarten

Farewell party aku di Melaka sempena nk pindah Kedah

Birthday celebration di rumah aku

Selepas 13 thn kami masih disini.......

I have friends that came all the way from Melaka just to accompany me breaking fast during Ramadhan. I have friends to visit during Chinese New Year, Deepavali & Xmas. I have friends that understand how I am "berkedut and cair melebur" when I am exposed to the sunlight. These people are friends, I dont care losing the one I know for years but made no significant in my life, but these people.. they did and do so! Regardless the races, if you are reluctant to change. No one can help you. So please stop provoking. The mainstream media was dumb giving such racial statement, but can you get any dumber with actually trying to prove that you are not racist with words and split more oil to let it burn? What I am asking is now, please stop the provocation, stop giving statement, stop reminding the hatred. I love my friends........  

We own the prejudice, dont deny it. But we are living harmony now. LET IT BE and do cherish it! I am a racist? NOT, heks!

Tanggal Mei

Here I am expressing how frustrating life is to see my friends or family keep on using offensive words due to the 13rd election on this coming 5th of May. I know the heat is pumping when everyone excitedly waits for the new faces in the line for Malaysia’s ruler. So enough for that…… You know, my blog is the place for me to whine and to express all my negativity kan. So here I am! Wooooo! So for the past 3 weeks I was in Kuala Lumpur for Nini’s reception. It was an ultimate superb fun event! The families are warm & friendly, foods galore like every minute & obviously I am happy to see the girl that I used to play along with during my childhood is now someone’s wife. There were tears in my eyes during the solemnization,thinking not to have her around anymore (bodoh kan? Dia ada je 24 jam bosan tgk) HAHAHA. No, actually it was the sudden feeling, the feeling that I can’t even describe what was it all about. Oh mybe I was too happy for her till I burst out. 




That was Nini’s part, now this is my part. The Journey… Cewah! During my 2 weeks so called holidays, I tried to slot it with activities, such as INTERVIEWS. Yes, I been to several companies but I still haven’t get any feedback. Orrr…………… I am just not worth it. I went to 3 international companies and 1 local company which I can say among the top developer in Malaysia. There is thought in my mind that holding me back to start applying for more interviews. After all the promising words given, 2 ways interaction made, negotiations & inquiry made… In the end of the interview when they ask me

‘Do you have anything else to share or ask?” 

Then surely my answer will be.. or should I call it as a question?

“Sir/Madam/Miss do you well alert that in my application form I have written that I am diagnosed with SLE blab la bla” 

They were shocking and responded like, Oh really? With the quick gesture checking back the form and asking me in details about the disease (which I understand why they had to do that). That was not the point actually… The point is, I think I am struggling in telling the truth for what I am now. I don’t want to lie because in the future it will cost me a fortune to my reputation and yes I don’t want to be in a company where they think I will be a burden to them. So seriously I am sad. I am trying to tell myself for time being, there is no luck for me and what I am now is not a problem to any of them…………………… 

So here I am now back in Kedah, last Monday was my last interview. Due to the SUNDAY incident my body is aching and I have bruises all over my body. Apa nk buat, nasib badan… hati sedih boleh gembirakan, badan sakit apa boleh buat? Cuma tahankan lah labu! Kekeke (PADAN MUKA AKU) 

Aku percaya ada cahaya dalam gelap, 
Aku percaya ada kelam dalam terang, 
Aku percaya kesesakan kini untuk ganjaran kelapangan yg dijanji. 
Akan aku yang hina ini ukir senyum tiap hari. 
Kerana hati ku & perjuangan ku belum mati………


This is my bitter loss story
Wounded & killed
Famished in the blood lust humanity
& let the soul to live in agony

Perihal ular belit belit

Ok I might label this as emo, angry or whatever negative shits that can be used for this entry. So here I am writing this with an aggravated feeling. Through what I had discovered what were happening all these while, I was dealing with people I can call TRAITOR.............

I think I pass in writing shit about you. You know why? Because you are clueless with words you are using. "Friends for benefits" benda paling lawak aku baca. Mungkin tu bukan refer dkt aku. Tapi what I remember kau tk pernah tolong apa apa. Sooo.. sudah-sudah-sudah lah nk label org tk pernah ada dgn kau. Kau pun layan org mcm hamba, pergi balik berjemput (YES aku mengungkit)

I know the year snake begun, but please jangan lah belit belit mcm ular. Kau belit sana belit sini. Ended up hidup dkt takak tu. Tak nampak lagi? Heh. Masalah manusia adalah



"I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground. But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go. The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down."

Eh apa dah jadi

So lately everyone is posting theirs recent vacation's pictures. As for that Burger Ramli, I had enough of her pictures sbb tiap tiap bulan  pun pergi melancong luar negara. As burger kan? Oh but take note of this, dia tk pakai duit bapak yg berlegar legar dlm otak awak. She earned it in hard way by working (EHHHH WHY ALL SUDDEN AKU NI) So never mind about her, So my plan screwed up by my mom, my biological mom.  After nearly a year of planning and saving things went bizarre and it aint happening at all (Mungkinlah) I am still trying to accept things positively because I believe my parents love me so much and all these years they have no idea that I went backpacking alone (Its not alone alone, my friends and I will meet at one specific place and then 'follow your heart') 

So that was the only reason why I was so reluctant telling them my plan back then. 

I cant set off some of my friends' perception for theirs thoughts of "oh anak org kaya boleh lah senang minta parents" I dont mind with that 'wise' judgement by not knowing who I really am and what am I doing. Tapi kan, aku dah bosan dgn some people yang cant stop whining and comparing. Hello, I know you are working but you are not the only who works over here? Hello hello? Takkan terus lahir umur 25 thn kerja and terus berduit? Hello hello hello? Come on, dont tell me that you are so stupid judging others based on the parents' wealth kan? Ke kau dengki sebenarnya? Ke kau bodoh sgt sebab terlampau create scene doom susah gila babi dlm kehidpan kau tu? 

Tidak apalah, blog ini. Just nk ckp stop whining, and stop judging others yg kau tak kenal. Actually kau tk bosan ke? They dont even bother about your existence, but you keep on concerning every bit they are doing? MY GOD, gile pathetic kau ni. Seriously move on, stop comparing, stop labeling, stop judging, stop whining. You are why?


PS - Kalau pakai duit mak bapak pun knp? Duit mak bapak, tak kacau duit mak bapak kau pun.  Lawak lawak lawak lawak. Jealous much? Open sikit otak 


"saya tak tau pun"

"awak apa tau? semua pun awak tak tau"

Dialog apa dkt atas tu? Rahsia.... lately life is so.. nothing. I cant be sure if it is the life or me. So, till we meet again. Haha. Dont you think Jack is adorable? He is loving, manja dan segala segala. He is my coolest pet ever after Sepit! Kalau pandai cari mata dia


While I was in the shower just now, the idea was pouring down! But now I am kinda blur where to start writing. THIS IS ABSURD! So what happened lately? What can I say is... sadly.. NOTHING. Mentally I am strong, physically.. I think I am sick. Yeah you know the SLE thingy but alah ada apahal kan? SLE je pun. Oh wait before I get myself to melancholic part, I would like to announce that I am official done with my studies! On the last day I finished my paper, my previous boss texted me whether I am free to help out with some audit job in Kedah. I am tired indeed but somehow I am delightful with the offer because I miss my job.. investigating, calculation, get crazy with figures and feeling snobbish if I cant get things right. Ehhh it doesnt sound so right kan? But who cares, that is who I am. (But I dont really get the opportunity to help tho, so I wasted most of my time in the room)

Before I go into deeper, can we please all pray for Dr Intan, who is a lecturer of mine. She was diagnosed with brain tumour for the past few weeks and this is sad because for me she is the coolest lecturer ever! (But I tell you what, failure rate in her hand was massive during the test! She is strict!) May  your prayer be with her and thank you.

So regardless of being sick, me as usual... I still do things I love. I love baking. Most of the time I bake with my sister, with my mom, with my niece and anyone that want to bake. I love to cook but I dont think that I LOVEEEE IT SOME MUCH because when the kitchen messed up, my mom just cant stop babbling (she is more like an annoying DJ in the radio, but I do love her you know) My plan about going back to KL was postponed since my dearly Mom got herself a fractured right hand, literary she is handicap now for at least 2 months. So here I am trying to be useful to her even though I am not.


You know what I mean, I am not saying that she is fussy or moody or grumpy. But my mom is a wonder woman. There is nothing in this world she cant do. So when it comes to me, ........ I dont think I am at her at all. So yeah.. not to belittle and to be harsh on myself, I will drop the issue (another escapism)

So last Decemeber as I remember on the 14/12/2012 we celebrated Jep's birthday 10 days in advance because I wanted to make it special. I get bored with the idea of fancy expensive present (I was broke too) so I decided to give an edible present but yet to be remembered. I hope so! Below was the CAKE, it came out with a Municipal Waste's logo on it and it was blueberry flavouring. Yeah I know that I am a sweetheart and creative (jgn puji banyak banyak) Hahaha. Ok Perah San sikit sahaja! 

Then what else? Oh I have cats, 2 of em. One is from KL, which/who ? Kaklong brought along during her last visit and now he is permanently staying over the country side (Kedah) cewah, macam aku duduk kampung pula kan? His name is BIG CAT (below) he weighted more than 3kg and he is BIG I tell you. This picture was taken using my 50mm so nampak lawa lawa sikit lah kan? Kamon puji lah sikit. I waited him to sleep like half an hour kot! 

So my another lil precious is Jack. No 50mm for him since he is so hyperactive I cant even get any shoot (to let you know that Im using manual focusing for me 50mm, due to the non expertise I barely catch up with that little rascal) So camera phone will do! Both of them were adopted... not from the shelter but Big Cat was found wondering around the neighbourhood as for Jack I took him from a friend of mine.

Sooo... I think that it. You know what. I am going to be active as possible in writing. Because I am bored of whining in the twitter, reading others shits (as if I dont do that kan) but twitter is... I dont know, but I dont like to be there like 24/7. Till we meet again virtually through my writing. Assalamualaikum and Good day all!  While waiting, I am going to kill my all day long in the room reading books and indulge good music. Yes. Be jealous! Lulz